Frosting

Have you ever gone out to a restaurant that has the array of desserts in the display that simply look divine? Now, have you ever ordered one of these scrumptious looking pastries only to bite into them and be completely disappointed? Okay, now think about this, how many times in life does that happen in other areas as well?

When I walked into the department of corrections years ago, I remember feeling extremely upset because of many, sorry to say, cosmetic issues, that I was going to face. First, and most importantly at the time, was the realization that there was no more covering up the not so beautiful strands of wisdom that seemed to be sprouting up all over my head. I also came to the conclusion that my skin seemed to have an allergic reaction to prison as well. Acne and other issues developed rather consistently and quickly within the first few months of my arrival. I remember trying everything to cover up both…foundation for the acne (which just made it worse) and anything from brown hair gel to mascara and permanent markers (if I got a hold of one) to cover my gray hair. Needless to say nothing worked.

As I looked around, I saw others doing the same thing. Everyone seemed to desperately try to look good on the outside and have the appearance of having it all together. I had to wonder though, if deep down, they too were doing it for the same reason I was. My hope was that if I looked good on the outside then maybe no one would notice how much of a mess I was on the inside.

Since coming home, I noticed that people do this outside the gates as well…and sometimes not just in the physical sense either. I’ve noticed that some of us strive to have the perfect house, great landscaping, awesome curb appeal, even a white picket fence for some. Most would think that the family who lives in this house MUST have it all together. What I have come to find out though is what happens behind that beautiful closed door is not as pretty as we believe. The beautiful exterior is basically a cover up for domestic violence or molestation, or child negligence and abuse.

Then there are people who cover up hurts, depression, disappointments, and loneliness with something as simple as a smile, for example, Robin Williams. I have learned that some of the most outwardly beautiful people carry the ugliest of scars and shame for a variety of reasons but others never notice, because of the outward appearance of things.

It was in my cell one day that I realized, no matter what I tried, or how good I thought I may have looked on the outside, my life would never be as good as I wanted it until I cleaned up what was going on inside. I had a lot of damage that had been done over the years and it honestly left an extremely bitter taste in my mouth. My life was just like that cake in the display…or any other dessert that did not taste as good as it looked. No matter how my life was dressed up, covered up, or even decorated with the creamiest of frostings, if I didn’t have the right ingredients on the inside, I was still a mess.

Isn't that what we do? We try to deal with issues by avoidance or we ignore that some of our problems are more than just skin deep by putting on a facade for others to see.

For me, I realized that a lot of what brought me to prison went back way further than the choice that actually got me arrested. There were issues of brokenness and unworthiness due to a sexual assault and domestic violence that I had not dealt with sub-consciously. Until I removed those ingredients from the mix, I would never have the life I was trying to portray I had.

It wasn’t until I accepted that, surrendered, and gave my entire life (past included) over to God, that I saw my true worth and ultimately, beauty. The recipe for a beautiful life has to start with Him! If we don’t start there, no matter what we may add to spice things up, ultimately in the end? It’s simply frosting in a really bad cake.